7 Things I Learned About Mustaches

It’s official, I had the awesomest mustache of all last night! And we managed to raise $875 for schools here in phoenix. Not bad. Now it’s time to reflect and get rid of this fricken thing.

So here is what I learned from having a mustache:

1. Chicks Don’t Dig Them

This had be the first thing on the list. From the time I started growing my mustache, I could tell my girlfriends attraction to me was plummeting. Even girls in the store looked at my weird, probably because I looked like their dad or some random pedophile…

2. They Look/Feel Creepy

The thing that annoyed me the most, was feeling creep everywhere I went. Just walking around Wal-Mart looking at the toys section made me feel weird. Probably because old guys with mustaches don’t belong near children…

Even going out to the bar was less fun. I could tell people were looking at me and judging me on the fact that my mustache kicked ass. They no longer judged me as a person.

3. People Look At Them

I now know what it’s like for women when guys stair at their chests. A few times, I caught a waitress looking at my mustache instead of my eyes. This wasn’t the only time it happened. It was a common occurrence that made me feel weird inside.

4 They Add 10 Years…Easily

As soon as I started growing the mustache, I no longer got carded for alcohol. And this was at normal bars and stores that used to card me all the time. I  blame this on the fact that I looked 30+ with the mustache even though I just turned 23.

Mustaches are a great way to get booze if your underage…

5. There Itchy

The most annoying thing of all was the fact that my mustache was itchy. I constantly itched it in hopes that the feeling would go away but it didn’t. It sucks when you have this tingling sensation on your lip for 4 weeks. It’s enough to drive a man insane.

6. They’re Fun To Play With…

This was actually one of the things I didn’t mind with the mustache. I constantly ran my fingers through it and it gave me something to do when I was bored. Then again, my girlfriend was creeped out by it every time I did it.

7. Did I Mention They’re Creepy?

Yeah, it made me feel creep inside.

Time For Some Pictures.

So here is a few pictures to show off the difference:



Thanks again to everyone that donated, it really helped!  Have a great weekend.

15 thoughts on “7 Things I Learned About Mustaches

  1. Carla

    Oh man, this had me on the floor! Yeah, I’m not a chick who dig mustaches either. I’m not big on facial hair in general, but mustaches get to me the most. It’s hard to kiss a guy with one and there’s usually a leftover snot trail during cold/allergy season. Also, mustaches on guys (especially Caucasian men) reminds me too much of Ned Flanders.

  2. Tracy

    If you see a man for the first time with a mustache then it looks good and you get used to it. For example I think Tom Selleck looks better with the Magnum PI stache.

    If you see a man for the first time clean-shaven, he can NEVER EVER look good in a mustache.

  3. Alex Ion

    Well I dig the pedophile part. My uncle shaved its beard and only left a mustache. I barely recognized him when I first saw the guy. He looks like someone who served time :)

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  5. Rock

    It’s true that mustaches add you 10 years, facial hair is commonly related to mature/old men. Mustache and beard itches for the first 1 or 2 weeks, I’m growing my ‘stache and chin beard and the first week was very annoying =/ But if you’ve had it for almost a month, you propably had some kind of fungus growing on you facial hair. (Protip: Use an antifungal shampoo)

    People are constalntly looking at me, but I like the way I look, they treat me respectfully and always address me as “Sir” or “Mister” I’m happy with it, so I could care less.

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    i currently have anice facial hair thign goginon right now, mustache and beard combo. It works on my face rather well. It did itch the first few weeks but now it’s cool. I like the look but I will be ditching it after christmas for sure.

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  8. Em

    You know, with the ‘stache, you look a bit like Mr. Perelli from Sweeney Todd. You know, the evil Italian guy in the blue jumpsuit.


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